Sherlock on Cracks!
by hotxhotguy
Summary: If you are bored and have no life, do read this crack fic! :D Warning! Nasty content, retardiness!
1. Troll John

**Ladies and Gentleman! I present you, one of most pointless, retarded story of BBC Sherlock! I literary was bored when I decided to post this! And Hey! You are right by now! I do have no life! :D and If You are reading it, you also have none! Yaaayy! We should totally make community just for us! :D And don't expect the chapter to be long. I write whatever randomly comes to my mind! And do expect to have grammatical error, because duhh.. this story ****_IS _****retarded.. :3**

* * *

**John Trolls Moriarty!**

Once upon a time, Sherlock and John Were sitting down and having sex...

LLooollll! The Author was fucking with you! :D in your dick!

Beats author with a metal rod than throws her out the window...

The Author is dead.

Great! Now we can get on with the story!

Wait...

Author! Author! Where are you?

...

Uh...

**Fuck IT!** =_=

* * *

**John Trolls Moriarty! **(Take #2)

Lets try again shall we? No fucking around this time!

OK! Cough! Cough!

* * *

So one day John and Sherlock were in their obviously familiar old apartment on 221b. They had no case to work on. Strangely, for once Sherlock wasn't sulking out of boredom, instead he is seen to be experimenting on a some random tumor with teeth hair and eyes.. (for the last time, it's not a baby, Google search Tamtoma or teratoma or something similar shit..) And that monster is doing a great a great job keeping Sherlock out of boredom, and that thing deserves a noble price for it, like really! I'm serious!

And our dear old John Watson is seen to be sitting on a couch watching some crap telly and being bored..

Hold on! Cut! Cut!

There is something wrong here..

John Watson is bored?

Like in B.O.R.E.D?

Did hell broke loose?

Where did today's sun rise from again?

So John was sooo bored. The telly had nothing going, his friends were all out,his tenth girl friend dumped him, thanks again to asslock . Even he was occupied with that giant lump. He had nothing to do!

[hey why am I in parenthesis?]

For the first time of his life.. [this is my story you bitch]

He, The Three Continent John Watson, [Stop it! I'm the author]

...Is Bored![Stop!, you are going to destroy the world!]

And ding light bulb! He exactly know how to get read of his boredom! [Starts screaming and panicking]

He looks at Sherlock who was currently cooking the tumor.

[THE APOCALYPSE IS COMING GUYS! I TRIED!]

* * *

"Hey Sherlock", John called him with a strange evil smile on his face.

Sherlock looked up at him from the cooked tumor, and raised an eyebrow. Whats with his face?

"John we had a deal about the tumor, you agreed to it. I even have your signature.."

"No no no, It's not about the tumor Sherlock." When did John had curved chin?

"You see, I'm bored"..

...

"John.. you are bored?"

"Yes"

...

"Are you feeling well?"

"I'm perfectly fine! I'm just bored!"

"Uh.. so what do you want me to do?"

"Can I have Moriarty's number?"

"Wait! What? how did you?"

"I'm not as stupid as you think Sherlock, now can I have his number or not?"

...

"Fine it's on my phone"

* * *

John sat on the couch grinning widely. He pulled out Sherlock phone and started typing on the text box.

**To: Moriarty **

**From: Sherlock Holmes**

**Subject:**Hey there Jim. :)

_SH_

With sending the text, John giggled and eagerly waited for reply. He laughed when he heard the *ping* sound. He had a reply.

**To: Sherlock Holmes**

**From:Moriarty**

**Subject:**

So you finally called me!

_JM_

John's face right now exactly resembles troll face. The game has began!

* * *

SH: How are you? Jimmm..

JM: So you finally realized we should unite! and work together!

SH: Of course Jim.

SH: How could I ever forget you! :)

JM: I knew it! :D

SH: Of course, how could I forget that beautiful arse baby?

JM: Wait ,What?

SH: Oh don't pretend baby, I saw it all on that day at the lab. You hooked up with one dull chick..:(

JM: What THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?

* * *

_Meanwhile at the 221b.._

As soon as John read the text, he started laughing so hard that he feel from the couch and was still laughing as if Sherlock has butt probed him with laughing gas.

And Sherlock hearing the commotion approached the scene. He picked up the phone and frowned.

"John what is this?"

"It's called trolling Sherlock"

"I'm not gay John, and -100% with Moriarty! And Do notice the negative!"

"I know Sherlock you are asexual, but I'm just getting back at him for trolling us all this time"

...

"Wanna join?"

"ok.."

* * *

Moriarty frowned again when his cell phone beeped. Was the genius on crack?

* * *

SH: OH I know bby you want me.

SH: Does that Moron guy fuck you enough?

JM: Are you on drug?

SH: I'm not drugged baby, I'm Horny..

JM: Then ask that pet of yours to offer you his bum.

SH: Used it, it's not tight enough. :(

JM: AHHH! Stop it you crazy freak.

SH:OHH baby, you are so hot, I'm gonna cum just imagining you.

SH: How big is that army of your? I bet I'm much bigger than him.

JM: You will pay for this bastard!

SH: I'm 12 inc long baby! Just for you!

JM: I WILL BURN THE HEART OUT OF YOU!

SH: OH baby you already burned my dick!

JM: Stop texting me you bastard!

SH: OH baby I'm cumming! I'm Cumming!

JM: FUCK YOU!

SH: Oh baby anytime!

SH: Your butthole must be soo tight!

SH: Oh Jim,Jim!

JM: That's it! I'm OUT!

* * *

Moriarty throws his phone to the ground and start stepping on the phone with Izaya style..

Minus the laugh of Course! :)

* * *

_Meanwhile at 221b,_

Sherlock's screen read _"The text could not be send due to technical difficulty."_

And both John and Sherlock fell on the floor laughing.


	2. Two Girls One Cup

**Hello You people with no life! :D**

**I just wanted to say,**

**YOU HAVE NO LIFE!**

**HAHAHAHAHAHA!**

**If I did owned Sherlock in any form, I would have made Sherlock a tranny! John.. um.. A HOBO! :D**

* * *

One day, John was browsing on porn site, and pigging (sorry, tweeting is a legal name, couldn't risk to use it) with his drink buddies. Then suddenly Mike Stampcard, I mean Stamford came online. He posted a "hi John" topic on John's wall and John replied him with "hi pal" post. Then they started a conversation.

"Hey, John, I got something to show you".

"Well what is it?"

"Oh it's a very very interesting stuff..."

"Ohhh.." John thought mike was talking about a porn.

"Oh! I like the sound of it! So what kind of interesting stuff is it?"

"One of a kind buddy! Want it?"

"Oh yes"!

Mike posted John a video link titled "Two Girls One Cup".

"Text me when you are done watching John! bye! hehehehe!"

"Ok?"

John clicked the link...

* * *

The video started with two girls chatting, after few minutes they started kissing and licking each other.

"Ohh YES" John cheered! "A lesbian porn! Thanks Mike"!

Then the girls undressed and started sucking each other boobs.

John got a chair.

Then one of the girl started licking the bingo.

John unzipped.

The other girl picked up the pint glass.

"Oh they are gonna pour wine on each other! hot!" John is ready.

Then the girl put the glass on her butt.

"Hold on whats going on?" John halted.

The girl started pooping.

"WHAT THE FUCK?"

The two girl started licking the dodo from the glass.

"JESUS TAP DANCING CHRIST!"

One girl has a fine specimen that she squirts out of her mouth a few times before swallowing.

"EEWW!OH FUCK YOU, MIKE YOU BASTARD!"

The girl barfed poopie on the other girl

"SOMEBODY TURN THIS OF! HELP!"

The girl then started to lick the barf.

"LORD SHOW MERCY!

They started licking poopie barf off of each other.

" I think I'm gonna be sick"

John Burfs hot Doritos.

Hearing all the commotion and John pathetic calling of help, Sherlock came to John's room.

There he sees John is laying flat on the ground, covering in stinky Doritos vomit.

And his zipper was wide open.

Then he sees John's laptop.

He turns back to John.

"Oh John, those were just ice-creams"

...

...

..

"Are you maybe, gay now?"

* * *

**The End**

Oh, And Mike Stamford was send to hospital the next morning due to many bone fracture!


End file.
